RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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