Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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