I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
