I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Alive.
So much puke
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
