Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
