i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
