Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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