I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
