Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
