i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
