I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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