You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
