i just had sex bonerless
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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