It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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