Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
