I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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