Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
