you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
