singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
