I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
