Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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