I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
