Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
