it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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