does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
