literally had 100 drinks last night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
then he tried to convert me to islam
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize