funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
