That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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