Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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