you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
