I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think people are normalizing furries
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
