so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
