wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
