We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
