I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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