Where did you get a picture of my penis
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
