My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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