I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
