SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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