This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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