I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
