One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
