just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
