That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
