Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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