dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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