im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
