Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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