that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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