turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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