apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize