I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
