I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
