U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
