i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
