bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
