I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
