i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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