I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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