hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We left an ass print on the piano.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
