wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
