How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
