I hope mine doesn't look like that
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
