The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize