Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
