saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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