Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
