You're my little dorito
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
