I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
