I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
