The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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