What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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