so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
