It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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