Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
