I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize