I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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