dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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