Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
