So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
