How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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