Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
