margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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