She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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