Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
