Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
