woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
