im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
