1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
