come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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