he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
