My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
