Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
