How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
