1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
