If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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