I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I faked an abortion last night.
Dignity is for republicans.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
