just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
