At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
