you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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