yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
