Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
